Love and Relationships
Q I have always suffered from anxiety as I grew up in an anxious and very controlled home. As a result, I have a tendency to over focus on my husband behaviour. My main trigger would be how much and how often he drinks. My husband doesn have a drink problem, but like many other men in Ireland, he would drink more than the recommended guidelines. He also vapes, which I tend to focus quite a lot on. I come to the realisation that my urge to control this is the issue, and not my husband behaviour. I would be very grateful if you could help me and advise me on how to deal with these triggers.
## ## Ask the therapist: husband has depression: I feel trapped hate my life
Q My husband suffers from depression and is on medication. We have three children all under 10. I appreciate that he has an illness but I believe that he is using it as an excuse to behave appallingly. He is selfish and self centred and horrible to the kids and me. We are not a team. I do everything in the house and with the kids. It has got even worse since he was diagnosed as now I feel like I can ask him to do anything. I hate my life but I feel like I can leave as it will look awful. It will also throw us into poverty as he is the main breadwinner. I am trapped and I don know what to do.
Two of my best friends and I have a running debate. They are both mothers of three. I have one child. Both are married, I am separated. Both have lost one parent. I have two, fully functioning. Who has it better, or harder, we like to jokingly moan at each other? Partly, it a reference to the fact that at some point, each of us manages to convince ourselves, if only for a moment of secret self pity, that things are hardest for us. At another level, we making the point that actually, life is challenging for all of us in different ways.
Q I went through a terrible breakup and I am still struggling with it now. I went out with my ex boyfriend for over three years until he broke up with me almost two years ago. It was very unexpected and I was absolutely devastated when it happened. He did not really give any definitive reason at the time but made vague statements about us being different and wanting different things. Despite this he said that he loved me and that we just needed some time to work on ourselves and then we could work on our relationship. We had a bit of contact and then he said that I was too much and we needed to move on.
Q I am finding it very difficult to deal with what I see as the hypocrisy of my family. I am a 45 year old woman and I have two younger sisters, both in their 40s also. My sisters would always have been closer to each other than with me, but I am OK with that. All three of us are mothers to pre teen children. My youngest sister kids are quite mean to their cousins my daughter, who is the same age as her oldest, and also their other cousins, who are a year or so younger. I have spoken with my other sister about this and she agrees that their behaviour is appalling but she won say anything to my sister face, and when I bring it up, she stays silent or agrees with my youngest sister when she says my daughter is too sensitive. I feel like I am the only one who ever tells the truth and I am a bit of an outsider because of it. What should I do?